Lewd for Jesus or The Agony of Defeat

Because the insane monstrosity of the Petting State Child Sexual Assault Conspiracy is in its tragedy only equaled by the monstrous absurdity of the Republican Primary race we are going with the absurdity (because lets face it for my soul's sake--after Penn State, we need a distraction)! This is the Republican Presidential Race Non Sequitur Venting My Spleen Edition!

1) I have said it before and I say it again New Gingrich is an insufferable ass bag wind hat. His public persona smells of cheap sausage bathed in flop sweat. His is the intellectual anxiety of a small man clinging desperately to a cheap degree from a vague school.

2) Rick Santorum, two points
a) His is one of the finest minds of the 13th Century and
b) Google his last name

3) Michelle Bachmann has the  crazy eyes of the Martin Sheen character from The Dead Zone. Nuff said.

4) Ron Paul won't make because no one likes cruelty and selfishness in a crusty elf.

5) Herman Cain (see below)

6) Jon Huntsman- dude let it go, already. It would seem that in the Republican Party, sane, reasoned, responsible policy goals and experience in governing are trumped by the up hill climb of no one knowing who the f*** he is. And by the way get an h for that name!

7) Mitt Romney, the flip flopping, soulless, craven, no belief but in his own superiority, having bastardy of his politicking doesn't grate me as much as his smug, "I will be president because it is my divine right," attitude is what gets me. I hate, hate, hate the born rich running for president. M*****f*****! The universe is not yours to have!

8) Rick Perry- The ability to constantly deliver comedy gold is not a quality which will win you the White House (see above).

Obama, man, short of another Great Depression like dip in the market, don't sweat it too much.


Update: Of course Jon Stewart would do it better . . . . he has a bigger budget.

When the Party's Over, Turn Out the Light or "Look Whose Dancin, Now"

I am quite disappointed in the unexpected implosion of Herman Cain's campaign. I am completely convinced that Cain is taking every body for a ride. There is no way that he could possibly be serious about being POTUS. His already classic Uzbekistan answer gave you all the insight you need into who we are dealing with. This is no ordinary right wing maniac though the xenophobia is just the right temperature for a Republican presidential candidate. But Mr. Cain is doing something more that is betrayed by the slight smirk that gives him away on his ads.

Hermie Herm is straight clownin'! As George Clinton says, "[He] just funnin'!" He's not serious about being president, he is serious about shaking some money from the  conservative money tree plantation (plantation in its horticultural sense). That smile, the slight gleam in his eyes ("C'mon now you can't take me serious!") all are sayin' "You have to know that I am bullshitting!" Despite this, however, Hermie's attempt to paint lefty critiques of him as racist, despite high dis-approval ratings from Black Americans, is a bit "he doth protest too much." For the clear eyed observer that is hip to Herman's game, we see the oldest, Blackest figure in African Diasporic iconography. Herman Cain is channeling West African Folk figure Anansi. In the Ghanaian versions of the Anansi tales (the figure is prevalent throughout West Africa)  Anansi is a smaller creature compared to the other animals (Lion, Elephant, Monkey, etc) in the folkloric jungle. Anansi, a spider, has to use his wits to out smart and manipulate his physical superiors. Anansi is always scheming up on how to get food, position, advantage, etc for himself.

 Anansi's key characteristic was the ability to use his mark's weaknesses againstb them Usually nthese weaknesses were not apparent to the mark. Anansi was good at manipulating qualities such as pride, arrogance, vanity, naivete, etc. Though a selfish, cruel and often malice filled character, Anansi, could teach a lesson or two to serve his purposes.
 Our Mr. Cain is (consciously or unconsciously I have no idea) teaching a few lessons at the expense of the weaknesses of the Republican mind. Like the Deadly Sins of Roman Catholic dogma we can identify these Republican weaknesses as exploited by the right wing's most popular prankster.

• Vanity leads them to believe they have finally found out of 35 million African Americans the ONE smart enough to see the correctness of their beliefs. Sheer ignorance on the part of the other 34,999,999 is the only way to explain the disgust with which they hold the Republican Party.
• Ignorance or rather the celebration of ignorance which is becoming a hall mark of the party. Such a celebration allows Mr. Cain to display such shocking displays of non sense only becomes it affirms the "regular guy-ness" of him that ignorant Republicans thinks proves their normality. As Sensei George Carlin taught us, "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders."
• Insecurity is exposed in the election of Cain as the Republican Party's "Black Friend". If you are so desperate to not seem racist despite the comments of some of your most prominent voices that you drool over the one Black Guy that supports you, well nuff said. Herman Cain understands (see above smirk).
• Arrogance is obvious by the fact that your self righteous sense of entitlement to the Presidency leads you to be believe any old fool, as long as they are a Republican, can win the White House. As well your self righteousness is re-enforced by the belief that "real" Americans support your policies and will naturally vote for you (despite policy based polling to the contrary)

I could go on but the night is getting late and I have a lecture to write. But I must say I was soooo looking forward to Cain winning the Republican nomination and having him utter the "You fuckin' with me!" that rang around the world. At the least I know I can rest comfortably in the knowledge that Herman Cain will get his money and laugh all the way to yet another mansion paid for by Fox News, or The Heritage Foundation or Americans for Prosperity or the New York Post or . . . . . . .

(What does it say about popular images of Afri-US financial power, when I could not find a single image of a Black hand holding dollars on Google images?)