Lewd for Jesus or The Agony of Defeat

Because the insane monstrosity of the Petting State Child Sexual Assault Conspiracy is in its tragedy only equaled by the monstrous absurdity of the Republican Primary race we are going with the absurdity (because lets face it for my soul's sake--after Penn State, we need a distraction)! This is the Republican Presidential Race Non Sequitur Venting My Spleen Edition!

1) I have said it before and I say it again New Gingrich is an insufferable ass bag wind hat. His public persona smells of cheap sausage bathed in flop sweat. His is the intellectual anxiety of a small man clinging desperately to a cheap degree from a vague school.

2) Rick Santorum, two points
a) His is one of the finest minds of the 13th Century and
b) Google his last name

3) Michelle Bachmann has the  crazy eyes of the Martin Sheen character from The Dead Zone. Nuff said.

4) Ron Paul won't make because no one likes cruelty and selfishness in a crusty elf.

5) Herman Cain (see below)

6) Jon Huntsman- dude let it go, already. It would seem that in the Republican Party, sane, reasoned, responsible policy goals and experience in governing are trumped by the up hill climb of no one knowing who the f*** he is. And by the way get an h for that name!

7) Mitt Romney, the flip flopping, soulless, craven, no belief but in his own superiority, having bastardy of his politicking doesn't grate me as much as his smug, "I will be president because it is my divine right," attitude is what gets me. I hate, hate, hate the born rich running for president. M*****f*****! The universe is not yours to have!

8) Rick Perry- The ability to constantly deliver comedy gold is not a quality which will win you the White House (see above).

Obama, man, short of another Great Depression like dip in the market, don't sweat it too much.


Update: Of course Jon Stewart would do it better . . . . he has a bigger budget.